Missing My Baby Bump, I Wish I Was Pregnant Again.

Are you sitting down? I've got a stunning announcement to make, and I wouldn't want to be responsible for any accidents, so find a seat if you're given to fainting. Here goes:

My baby will be a year old next week, and I'm not pregnant.

For most women, it would be a surprise for her friends and family if she said she was pregnant after just a year. For a woman who had her last three children in as many years, though, it's a little bit surprising. When my second child had his first birthday, I was ready to announce that I was pregnant with baby number three. Two weeks after my third child's birthday, I ran to the drugstore on a whim and bought a pregnancy test. Bingo! Pregnant again.

Now, as my little Ben's birthday approaches, I'm feeling just a little bit...well, empty. Not emotionally or spiritually empty, but physically. It's just me in this body - not me and a baby and I'm not sure I like it. It's not as if my life just couldn't be complete without one more baby. I think I'll survive with only four children, no problem. In fact, the thought of seeing the end of 4 a.m. feedings and diaper changes makes me a little bit giddy!

I just kind of expected to be expecting again by now.

While my husband and I aren't exactly trying to have another baby, we're also not trying not to. Life's more fun when you let it surprise you, so we like to take things as they're handed to us. Besides, when something is working for you, why stop?

Since my first pregnancy, which took five years to conceive, getting pregnant has been as easy as falling off a log. The biggest surprise life has had for me in the last few months is that I get to the end of every cycle with no morning sickness, no drowsiness, no bizarre cravings...no sign at all of a baby due in 9 months.

My reaction? Well, honestly, I'm a little concerned. Does this mean I'm getting old? I mean, I do turn 32 tomorrow, and things are bound to slow down eventually, right?

While I'm not in an real hurry to dig out the maternity clothes again, I do wonder if I'm coming to the end of my days of easy fertility. In only three years, medical professionals will begin to (at least, this is how my nightmares have it) stamp each page of my medical records in frightening, inch-high red letters: Advanced Maternal Age. And I guess that's the real problem for me. It's not that I really want another baby right this minute (though I would be thrilled!), it's that I've reached the bend in the road where it's less obvious what's ahead of me. I knew this day would come. We get older. We have to deal with our mortality. For me, the end of fertility (though I likely have a few good years left) is suddenly obvious in ways it hadn't been before.

Pregnant mums, enjoy this time! I know it seems ridiculous, hearing that when you're in the throes of morning sickness or tossing and turning at night because there's a little person kicking you in the ribs, but believe me, someday you're going to come to the same realisation I just did. Life is short, and the years when your body is up to the challenge of doing this are pitifully few. It's not all sunshine and roses, of course, but it has been a wonderful stage of my life. The best I've had, really. I'll miss it when it's over.

This article is a feature from the MUM.com Trusted Bloggers Club.

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